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I had come a long way. The person in which I saw myself becoming amazed me. A better mother, a dedicated employee, and an all around more...willing individual, I guess, Willing to try and do new things,meet new people,seeing through a different light, and opening my eyes to all the world had to offer me.

I had been doing well at Casa de Waffles. Of course I wasn't making as much, however I liked the feeling of coming home from a day of honest, hard day of acceptable work. Finally I could share the days event with Heaven, including details that were suitable for a seven year old, having more time for her now at night. I felt at peace with this new job. Of course, I didn't want to be at Casa de Waffles for the rest of my life, but it was the start of my better life. And I knew my grammy was pleased with not only that, but with my new outlook, my new attitude. And for that, I planned a visit back home to the open fields, fresh air, and clear skies of South Carolina where I was raised.

Life is short and you never know when your entire world will come crashing ndown or changing right before your eyes. Just the other day I was reading in the papers an article about the lady who lived above the Forever 21 that burned down. That store was her entire life, and just like that, with a strike of a match, or however the hell it happened, her entire world was burned to ashes. Petra, Petra Jagondiska ! That was her name.

I had read the article aloud to Heaven, my sweet girl. I did the best I could as far as teaching her about the ways of life, making lessons of everything. She had been so concerned about the woman and interested in the story, we killed two birds with one stone, because not only was I able to preach a valuable lesson, together we worked on her handwriting and letter writing skills. Together we wrote a letter to the local newspapers in hopes that they would contact the lady who had lost it all. Wishing her luck, giving praise to God, and offering support or help if needed , even a complimentary meal from Casa de Waffles. Writing the letter reminded me of Isabella Marie and back home.

I hadn't been to visit my grandmother's grave since Heaven could articulate a full sentence. I wanted to be closer to her, to feel her and to thank her. Taking it a step further, I even wished to visit the small brick house in which I had been raised in. Wondering if someone had bought it, if the sharpie stained walls marking my growth over the years remained, or if the house even still stood, all helped me to arrange a flight out withen the next three weeks. Heaven was on break and I could arrange everything for a much needed vacation back home.


***

The hotel was not far from the old house I once stayed in long ago, therefore I decided to take a bus trip to the old neighborhood a day after our arrival. Heaven was so thrilled to be in a new place, everything from the plane flight to the dingy but "live-able" hotel excited her.

The day had finally came. I was back home. And soon enough I would be gazing at the beautiful, old brick house that I once called home. The bus ride seemed to last forever, when in reality ot only had taken no longer then 45 minutes. My hopes had been set so high, that I had not expected the little home to be what it really was when I stepped off of the bus peering at the house that was close to ruins. I almost felt embarrased as I had bragged so much to Heaven the night before about the beautiful little palace I had growm up in.

Vines had crept up along the sides of the brick house, weeds and daffodil's grew wild about the front lawn, spider webs decortaed the windows, and what had once been a place of beauty and love had become a vacant disaster. As I stood disappointed and embarrased, realizing this is what I had traveled all the way back to, I had almost forgotten about Heaven until she broke the silence with a sharp gasp.

"Mommyyyyy ! Is that a swing, oh can I go please ? " I looked down in shock, remebering her presence, and in disbelief. It was almost as if though she hadn't noticed the pitiful house that stood before us. Wide eyed in amazement she pleaded to go swing from the old tire swing hanging from the big shady tree near the side of the house, in which I had spent many summer days swinging about.

"Uhh. . .Oh Heaven be careful baby." Before I could change my mind, realizing I should have checked to make sure the rope and branches were still sturdy, she had taken off and was already going back in forth. She was so beautiful. I had thought I noticed a slender figure standing behind her as she flew through the air, laughing and enjoying what I had once enjoyed, but as she dashed back down from high above the figure had disappeared. I felt a loving presence come over me and I knew she had been there with us.

Unnoticed tears fell from my face. I was being so critical of the unattended home that I had not noticed the beautiful sun and bright blue skies that had made it beautiful scenery anyways. Birds flew across the sky, butterflies about the yard, and it was a gentle breeze. Before leaving to join my baby, I was tempted to look inside of the rusty while mailbox that was leaning slightly to the side, now missing the flag and a few numbers from the address.

Opening up the mailbox, to my surprise inside laid one single letter with no return address. On top lay a small stone. Pushing the stone away, removing the letter, and releiving the envelope I nearly fainted as I read the message, that was written to me :

Im sorry. I hope after all of these years you have found it in your heart to forgive me. I wish I would have gotten a chance to tell you face to face. . . By now, I should have rejoined my mother in the Heaven's. I have asked that my ashes be sprinkled upon her sight, please come see us. --He never loved me, and you always did.

It was Isabella Marie. And although I had forgiven her, the letter had done something to me. Everything I had wished for as a little girl was fulfilled in that instant. Folding the small sheet of paper, I tucked it away into my pocket, running through what I had first seen as weeds and daffodils , through a field of ambrosia and apple blossoms ( = reciprocated love and good fortune) to the continuation of a legacy of beautiful women.

***

On the last day of our three day visit, Heaven and I visited the gravesight where in which bot my mother and grandmother now rested. We spread a blanket out and had a picnic. We filled the flower stand full of roses, and even some of the ambrosia and apple blossoms. We filled the grave yard with shared stories, laughter, and love, building new memories as a completed family. Before leaving, we watched a flock of birds fly out into the distance as the sun set. I walked Heaven to the pond that was near the end of the grave yard and we hopped in, splashing and laughing. My new attitude and new outlook had rebirthed an entore new me.

Gathering our belongings near grammy and Isabella Marie, we headed back to the end of the church to wait for the cab. Tommorow we'd head back to the city. However, we were going further away from what I would always know as home.