It All Ends Here

The death of Sile helped make my decision easier to leave the city that I had made my home away from home. I had been saving and planning to move back near home. I was finally being a woman of action.

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I must say I was dealt a hell of a hand in life. But as I lay on my old beat up mattress in our small and cluttered new apartment watching my beautiful child sleep, thinking back over it all, I wouldn't change anything at all. Everything I am, everything I am not, everything I've done, mistakes and accomplishments, it all makes me who I am.

Although the new apartments were not the fancy subs I dare to continue to daydream of, I knew that oneday I'd be exactly where God meant for me to be. My faith and trust in Him as reassurance, that all would fall into place in due time. Patience and the ability to stand again whenever I shall fall or fall short.

Despite not yet finding a job, I had a couple of interviews lined up. I had even reached out to a local community college and was looking into social work. My purpose in life had become clear to me through my journey, through my downfalls. I lived to love Heaven, I lived be the very best I could because she deserved that much, I lived to share my story, to inspire and uplift those around me and to help bring people back on their ow  two feet.

It had only been a week and I was feeling good about the move. Heaven was the happiest I had ever seen her and at peace with all. Finally, I began to feel happy, a feeling I thought I'd never feel again. Happy like when I used to lay underneath my grandmother as she sung to me and stroked my hair. To be truely happy as a beautiful feeling. To be truely happy with yourself, your life, and all the greatness that awaits you ahead. I don't think to many people can say that.

We all experience periods of rain, but just as sure as night shall come the sun will rise once more. Live for a better tommorow, because it's sure to come. Sometimes we fall, but just don't fall off. When you come from the bottom, you can not go anywhere but up. And on my grandmother, Isabella Marie, and Heaven, I promise this isn't the last you have heard of Mahogany Rose !

The Murder

The city no longer gave me a sense of comfort like it once did. It had only served as my place of refuge while I ran and hid from the haunting of my past. I had now come into a place of peace and set the demons and spirits of my past free, no longer to terrorize my life.

As I sat alone, reflecting on my trip back home, an overwhelming feeling came about my body. The city helped to become an independent woman; I now had the tools to make it, no, thrive in this world around me. Realizing my growth and progression, I begin to long to return back home. Once afraid to walk those sacred grounds where I was abandoned and forever changed, now I missed the open space of down south. I wished to return home.

In attempts to brush off the emptiness that begin to spread through me, I decided to head off to retrieve Heaven from afterschool care early. As I stepped into the hallway, closing and locking the door behind me, I noticed the strange man who lived some floors down creeping behind the lady I had known to stay above me.

Never being one to meddle, I thought it to be rather strange how he followed behind her, secretively. She seemed to be a bit out of, but no one was completely sane around this city.  It all was very suspicious to me. Maybe they had some kind of weird ass affair going on. Who am I to poke my nose in another man’s love life? Hell, at least somebody was getting some love around here.

Trying to shake it, I could not rid the unsettling feeling. They didn’t have to sneak around, as far as I knew neither of them was involved with anyone else. So, why in the hell was this grown man sneaking behind this defenseless little lady who was obviously not in her sane mind as she stumbled about. Concluding he was up to something, despite the little sense I had, rather then minding my own business or simply calling in to the police station and reporting the strange activity, my feet began to tip toe behind the party of two. My suspicion and gut feeling would not allow me to ignore.

Creeping along carefully, I was lead up another flight of steps before I watched as the woman fumbled to find her keys, unlock her door, and disappear behind it. However, within seconds the man, the man who I thought to be a sad little man who lead an average life, transformed into a mad man as he tore the door down letting himself in.  Before my eyes this transformation took place, sending my body into shivers and sweats. Before thinking, again my feet lead me further down near the door, and peaking inside made my eyes grow wide in horror.

My mouth dry, I could not force air down my throat, I stood in silence basking in the sight of this tragedy. Blood seeped from the little woman’s body, spreading and soaking into her carpets.  The man had disappeared, and in his place remained a killer beast, heaving in breaths of airs. I could make out no sound, as the screams that would not come through my mouth, were loud inside of my head.

Becoming nauseous, I held onto the walls, regaining myself before turning to run back down the stairs to escape the insanity. I would go pick up Heaven and we’d have waffles before I was sure someone would call for help. She was dead for sure; nothing I could do would save her. I refused to put my child in danger. Because although I was unsure of the motive behind it and unsure as to why the little woman seemed to be at peace at the hand of her murderer; I knew for sure that that was it, Heaven and I was getting the hell out of this city.